Making Dens

I love making dens. Throughout the generations children have been making dens. Special places for hiding away in, meeting with friends in, mini-homes with salvaged bits and pieces converted into useful  items. Outside, dens are made in bushes, trees and tents. Inside, dens appear behind sofas, under the stairs, in cupboards, attics and in ready-made pop up tents. The possibilities are endless...
For the little person with autism dens can become an essential place to restore an overloaded mind. My daughter would often retreat under the table or behind the sofa. I had to learn that this was okay and something that she needed to do! It wasn't the hiding that was difficult for me to understand but the refusal to be comforted by me when her screams had accelerated and showed no signs of subsiding after several hours. Looking back perhaps this is how my little daughter was feeling:

My fears have got the better of me,
Overwhelmed by faces, voices, gestures and uncertain movements,
I retreat under the table,
Locked in by solid wood,
Surrounded by my favourite possessions,
Comforted by my own ticking mind,
Slowing down as my screams subside.

Having a special place to go to continues to be very important at home. We have created Special Agent Head-Quarters, Nature Detective dens, and cosy corners for snuggling down in with a book or other activity. Sometimes sister is invited in or maybe a special friend but the place needs to be safe from uninvited intrusion.

Happy adults often have their own dens: The shed, summerhouse, caravan, special comfy reading chair.  Not such a bad idea is it? Taking frequent mini-retreats from the busy social world that we live in. Special places are almost sacramental. Sitting, thinking, being still, waiting ...

Best wishes
Hazel Reeves
www.roar-littledinosaur.com

Snow and the flow chart of uncertainties.

We've had snow. Snow days, snowy nights, ice, sleet, frost and now sludge! (the dirty, wet snow left slowly thawing on the pavements and driveway).
Snow comes with a downfall of emotions. Excitement, anticipation, fear, joy, anxiety, uncertainty...
It's snowing! Is school closed? Can I make a snowman? Can I go sledging? Is daddy home yet? Why isn't he home yet? Why does it take longer to drive home in the snow? I want to go outside and play! I'm too tired but I have to go outside now! What if it all disappears?
Things look different covered in a blanket of fresh snow. The beauty of the fading winter light across the fields is breathtaking. So with the bag of churning emotions there also comes a peace. Strange but true.
To help us through the chilly days we told a social story: When it snows we can go outside and play in it. We can also stay inside and be cosy. We can bake good things to eat and sit beside the fire and keep warm. One evening this did seem to quell the wave of anxiety that was threatening to overwhelm our household.  Making birdfood mixtures has also helped. Something to do inside and a purposeful activity for outside.

It's now raining and a sense of relief is seeping through our exhaustion. Let's not think about the possibilities that rain can bring!

Best wishes
Hazel Reeves
www.roar-littledinosaur.com

Invisibility - Am I really here?

Sitting in a Thanksgiving service, held to celebrate the life of a gentleman we knew, I watched my daughter gently plucking at the skin on her hand. As the life story of our friend was told by his family, friends and colleagues, my little girl continued to pinch herself. I leaned close and whispered - Do you need to go out? No, was her calm reply as she pulled each finger back and let them drop again. Oh dear, was my thought, she's getting really stressed. She wasn't. Through stories, song and visual illustrations a man's life was represented. He had been visible to so many people. He gave his time, talents and outgoing personality to assist others in their development. People had gathered to remember and give thanks for the way in which he had touched their lives.
To love and to be loved is a human need. Is it different if you have autism? I would say not. Some professionals' comments could have led me to a different conclusion. I have heard it said in our home. "I want to be invisible!" "They can't see me!" "They're all looking at me!" "I don't know what to do if someone I don't know talks to me." "I can't tell if I'm smiling or not, I can't see myself."
Memories of a little person appearing by our bedside every night. Arriving silently, standing by my sleeping form and announcing, "Roar, roar, roar. I'm a little dinosaur!" No longer invisible, clearly defining herself at 2 a.m!!

Sensory feedback is necessary to us all. It's just not apparent how we all receive it. Today, I watched my daughter holding a tiny doll and pulling her fingers. I smiled at her. She's not invisible, she's feeling the doll in her hand and the pull on her skin. I told her I liked her doll, she let me hold it. We are visible, we are here and we all matter.

Best wishes
Hazel Reeves

Numbers - counting down and counting up!

Numbers can drive you crazy or make you feel really safe in an ever changing world. Personally I have always found numbers quite confusing. There's probably a word for that! My daughter likes numbers. The countdown to Christmas was marked by an advent candle. Lit every day and a real visual reminder of the approach of the special day. There was a chalk board in the hallway declaring the diminishing number of days until Christmas. A snowman sign in the living room complete with a pointy arrow to move each day to a number heralding the arrival of Christmas. I found myself surrounded by numbers!
Christmas was highly organised and timetabled with our usual routine in place. All went well. Six days later and several surprise melt downs on New Years Eve and I had a flash of wisdom. Numbers were about to change.  Why do we have to have a New Year? yelled a voice from upstairs. How will I say that number? So we started to talk about a new day, a new month and a new year. Time changing as day follows night. Not brilliantly helpful but we managed to make it through to 2013. Fireworks were let off in a neighbouring garden, our dog bolted upstairs and quivered by our bed side and a whole New Year began!
We're now able to look back and see strides in our daughter's development. Understanding and expression we didn't think possible. A new year brings possibilities, opportunities and more mountains to climb but I'm determined to sit on the side of my mountain and take a look at the view. Just like numbers going up and down we often think we're going forwards and backwards. However from my view point I can see that there has been a steady progress throughout the challenges of last year.

A Happy New Year to everyone who loves or loathes numbers. Stay peaceful, enjoy the view from your mountain and remember to celebrate your unique contribution to the upwards climb.

Best wishes
Hazel Reeves

Reading Roar in the great outdoors!

To celebrate the arrival of a new outdoor classroom at St Margaret's Primary School, I was invited to read "Come on Roar, Let's Explore!", in the great outdoors. As I entered the school I was greeted by a group of 4-6 year olds. They were wrestling their way into their warm winter hats, gloves and coats. "We're going to the poly-tunnel!" announced one small girl as she plonked a bobble hat on her head, pulling it down over her ears.
This is how I came to be balanced on a minuscule chair, in a poly-tunnel, in early December, on a freezing cold afternoon. I was warmed by my many layers and the eager little faces in front of me, anticipating a story in their outdoor space. I launched into my theme of exploring, dipping in and out of my rucksack to produce props from the book. Roar's getting ready. She's off to explore in her yellow wellies. "It rhymes!" "I've been pond dipping!" "My baby has a teddy!" Little bursts of recognition of their own lives pour unhindered out of the children. This is what Roar is all about. Recognising yourself in the everyday world of the happy little dinosaur. We end by sharing mini-jammie biscuits. An essential item for all explorers both dinosaur and human!
The teacher links my reading to a recent class trip to a local beach. The children talk about crabs, buckets and seaside treasures. Such enthusiasm, joy and natural wonder. A fantastic school that understands the importance of the widest sense of learning, both inside and outside. The children discover their own treasures when nurtured and encouraged to truly use every sense to investigate our wonderful world. So get your ruck sack ready, there's an outdoor learning experience waiting to be uncovered right next to you!

Hazel Reeves
www.roar-littledinosaur.com

Eat, Laugh, Learn

Last week, I spent a very enjoyable day at a beautiful country house hotel.  I was attending an Autism conference. The comfortable surroundings were enclosed by extensive gardens and attended by well mannered staff.  The place was buzzing with perky professionals and well worn parents.  All of us had arrived from a different location seeking new ideas, solutions, strategies and the comfort of other humans treading similar turf as our own.

As I sank into one of the sumptuous sofas during the lunch break, armed with delicious buffet food and my very own autism story, I looked across the highly polished coffee table at the woman opposite. We swopped stories, others joined in.  Smiles, laughter and tears followed. I left to circulate amongst the exhibitors.  Stories were also exchanged, contacts made.
Isn't this what it's all about?
Validating another persons feelings and letting others acknowledge ours.
I wonder how many of us went home a little lighter, a little less alone and having learnt something new from the fantastic speakers we had listened to.

Dean Beadle spoke about growing up with Asperger's. He was very funny, honest and entirely relevant to many people's situations. Nodding heads and bursts of giggles punctuated his memoirs of childhood, education and his transition into adulthood.

As a parent, 24/7 autism is an extremely challenging journey.  It's highs and lows are so individual that the road is mostly unchartered.

So, when I don't know how to stop the after school tears or wipe the endless anxieties away. When I have to continue with the rest of my day after being flattened by an outpouring of fear before breakfast. When I'm laughing uncontrollably at an amazing idea that's developed into a logical solution for a neuro-typical problem. (How we do need the unique autistic thinking!)  That's when I'll remember to get out there and eat, laugh and learn with my friends, colleagues and anyone who will listen.

You never know what's coming next!

Hazel Reeves
www.roar-littledinosaur.com